I FEEL SO EMPTY

I hate everything, I don't know why people keep on taking me for granted, treating me like a kid that has no needs nor wants. I'm so tired of everything, I want to talk to someone but no one seems to get me, also, I don't want people to pity me even though I already feel like dying inside. I'm so tired, always thinking about different things, so tired of worrying too much and so tired of believing people too much even though I know someday, at some point, promises they make will eventually be broken. I'm so tired trusting and waiting for something good to happen. I want to give up but I don't want to worry my family. I just want to cry my self out. matter of fact, I'm already crying as I write this post. I know at some point, I've become too spoiled that I don't even know what's the difference between NEEDS and WANTS but as I think about it now, I've grown a lot already, I can manage everything except my emotions. I'm too coward to admit that I'm hurting, I'm too coward to say that I can't take things no more. I'm also too scared to make people sad and disappointed because of me.

I\ve been feeling really empty these past years, it's like I'm slowly being swallowed by something big and black. When I'm with other people I tend to smile and laugh freely like nothing's wrong but deep inside, when I'm alone, the true me will eventually unfold. I'm afraid of rejections and failures that's why I tend to practice things on my own before doing it infront of others. I also talk and reflect to my self alot, I know its weird, but with such thing, I find comfort and relaxation.  I want to live my life to the fullest but I don't even know what FULLEST really means, what kind of life is that, what satisfactions can I get. Iwant to get better and excel in my own special ways but im too afraid. 

I want to improve myself, I'm too awkward with new people, I'm too shy to approach new opportunities. I want to improve my self but I don't know where to begin. I want to feel secured again, I want to be loved again, I want to be appreciated but these things wont happen if I keep on escaping reality.  I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm not depressed, I just feel empty and sad. I know someday I can overcome this, I believe I'll be okay someday. hope that "SOMEDAY" will come faster, I want to feel full again, full of love, full of smiles, full of hope... someday I know I won't feel empty again :(